Today's A Nooner

I've been spewing venom for far too many days. Today I will try to lighten things up a bit..

Out Of My Comfort Zone
I'm leaving work at noon today to head to Nashville today and "run" in the Country Music Marathon (I'll be doing half) tomorrow. Yeeeee Haw!

So Kool
When I used to work on near Georgia Tech I was able to walk down to Kool Korner (the alliteration was their idea, not mine) Grocery store for this city's best Cuban sandwich. The impending doom of the reality of my office moving to Hell, I'm sorry that's the Perimeter Mall area for the rest of you, combined with David's birthday wish took me back for the first time in six years. I am glad to say that the store, inside and out, as well as the food have changed little. It felt strange that so much time had past since I had gotten a sandwich there, and made me a little sad that I never put a Media4 business card on their signage.

Today's breakfast was the remainder of my garlic plantain chips.

You Don't Get This Shit OTP
My drive into work really inspires this space heavily.

This morning at the corner of Freedom Parkway and Moreland Avenue someone has constructed a life-size (although not very realistic) rendition of a car crashing into a light post. Too funny, unless of course there is a sad message behind it. I just hope that this is not the next phase of some makeshift memorial (I call dibs on that as my band name).

Meanwhile at the corner of North Avenue and Highland Avenue someone has been placing a daily message on one of the light posts. Today's message? "Chimpeach" BRILLIANT!

After Mr. President ruined prime time television last night I am ready to agree.

The Winner Is....
Double, although I've not placed the hammock order yet. I figure that I if can convince some woman to spend a lifetime with me great, and if not I am going to see just how fat I can become. Can anyone say Homer Simpson with a mu-mu? D'Oh!

Gotta Run, Business Bekons!!! Sorry if today's entry needs a lot of editing, no time to do it...

And now for some ideas stolen from LiveJournal...
Current Mood - busy, busy, busy
Current Music - Sirius Satellite Radio, Channel 26 playing R.E.M. -- "Wolves, Lower"
Website Of The Day - Early Vegas (HINT HINT)

Cheers!
Paulie [eatl/ga]

Optimism v. Pessimism v. Don't-Give-A-Shitism

There Was A Day When I Was A Optimist
I'd buy two tickets for concerts, hoping I'd be able to get a date -- I wouldn't. I'd volunteer or go to wine tastings hoping to meet people -- I wouldn't. I'd join dating websites in hopes to meet the women I'd swear were perfect for me -- at least I came close on this one.

There Was A Day When I Was A Pessimist
I'd realize that I'm getting no younger and certainly no better looking, and can't figure out who would want to be with me. I'd think that my job can't last forever, and that I better have a back-up plan. I'd look for cabins in the mountains to move to so that I can get the hell away from the rest of society.

Today I Am A Don't-Give-A-Shitist
Popeye said it best, "I am what I am". Do what you want, I'm only concerned about Number One. *points thumbs at own chest*

What Gives You Ask?
Believe it or not, this topic is derived from the contemplation of buying a hammock. At the Inman Park Festival last weekend I passed a booth that was selling hammocks. Not just any hammocks, packable hammocks. Cooool. If I had my head on straight I would have purchased one on the spot and been done with it, but as I am wont to do, I waited, did research, found out too much information, only to realize that I should have purchased one from the original vendor.

So here is what I found out. The company makes two versions

• "Single" -- for one person
• "Double" -- for two people, or one-ton-o-person

If they made a "Triple" I might buy it so that these fine ladies could make a Paulie sandwich.



But back to reality. Which to buy? Do I buy the "Double" assuming that some day in the future there will be a need to hold a companion? (optimism) Or do I buy the "Single" assuming that a Unibomber cabin is where I will wind up and I'll only need to solo-style hammock? (pessimism) Decisions. Decisions.

It's Off, It's On
How short can a desire to not drink during the week last? If you are me, until Wednesday. If I hadn't had all the pizza, beer, popcorn, and chicken fingers with fries my measly four-and-a-half mile run might have done me some good.

And Finally, A Birthday Greeting!
Today is birthday number forty-two for my friend David. Seems appropriate that he turns forty-two the day before The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy hits the theaters.

And now for some ideas stolen from LiveJournal...
Current Mood - you guessed it, I don't give a shit
Current Music - Sirius Satellite Radio, Channel 26 playing Radiohead -- "I Might Be Wrong"
Website Of The Day - Treehugger Hammocks

Cheers!
Paulie [eatl/ga]

Signs Of Insanity

12:01am is technically the "next" day, right? Well, I couldn't give up that easily, could I?

"I can eat today!!!" That's the first thing that popped into my mind this morning. Sad, but true.

What'll Ya Have, What'll Ya Have, What'll Ya Have?
All I could think about while driving into work was the first meal to enter my mouth in thirty-six hours. And long-term readers know of my love of the breakfast...

Ooh, Waffle House! Damn, I'm woke up too late to please myself with an order of hash browns.

Oooh, how about that new Burger King sammie? The sign at Burger King read "Try our enormous omelet sandwich". It took what little strength my foodless body had to keep the steering wheel from turning. I am sure my arteries will thank me.

Oh, a bagel and coffee from Einstein Bros? Ok, that's somewhat acceptable. Dammit, I'm blocked into the middle lane and can't get over!! ARRRGH!!!

So I now sit here at work drinking mediocre coffee and have completed two packets of instant oatmeal. Satisfying? No, not really. Even worse, I have a lunch-time meeting so I can go out for lunch either. Bumma.

Up The Ass, Bob
I may have mentioned this in the past, but I love game shows. As a kid when I would stay home from school sick, the tv was turned to PBS first, game shows next. When I first got satellite tv I was glued to Game Show Network (as it was called back then) watching re-runs of the shows I watched in my youth, as well as some that were made prior to my existence.

Last night I caught myself watching "TV's Funniest Game Show Moments #5" hosted by Bob Eubanks and Chuck Woolery. Yeah you read that right, #5! From what I watched, it turned out that they could have named it "Stuff Taken From 'Family Feud' With Some Older Clips Thrown In To Break Up The 'Family Feud' Segments".

Eventhough no reference was made to it, after changing the channel I found myself singing the theme song to one of my favorite game shows ever -- MTV's "Remote Control".

Ken wasn't like the other kids
TV mattered, nothing else did
Girls said 'yes', Ken said 'no'
And now he's got his own game show
Remote Control

Squatter's Rights
For the first time since registering InsideThePerimeter.com domain someone has cursed me for getting there first. Today I received an email from a guy who wanted it to promote Atlanta's Inside/Outside The Perimeter border war.

Since I have no intention giving this site up, I will give him some ad space here so you can buy his merch, and in turn advertise my website. :) Quality Inside The Perimeter bumperstickers, t-shirts, coffee mugs can be purchased via itpAtlanta. He's got another site which gives kudos to the OTP life, but you know that I can't promote that.

btw - props to the guys who got InsideThePerimeter.net before I thought about getting other Top Level Domains.

Normally, I'd give something as cool as advertising my website top honors as the Website Of The Day. However, yesterday I was sent a link sooo awesome that I cannot resist using it.

And now for some ideas stolen from LiveJournal...
Current Mood - caffeine induced headache
Current Music - Sirius Satellite Radio, Channel 26 playing Ween -- "Transdermal Celebration"
Website Of The Day - Little People of America

Cheers!
Paulie [eatl/ga]

Desperate Measures For Desperate Times

Fasting Times At Paulie High
Hi, my name is Paulie and I have a problem...

I am a "food and beer"-holic. Today I am trying something I have never done before, fasting. My weight is out of control (as is my lack of exercise -- but that's another episode) and I need to do something desperate to stop the trend. I know "fasting is bad", but this is something I need to do to prove to myself that I can. I also have a goal to give up beer on weeknights. Believe it or not, that will be much harder to do.

Now if I could just keep myself out of GameStop and used cd stores...

Kid Rock Is A Punk-Assed Bitch
Last night's final question was the birthday game -- put the following four people in order from oldest to youngest

• Kid Rock
• Alanis Morissette
• Fiona Apple
• Rob Zombie

The in-team "discussion" boiled down to whether Kid Rock was older than Alanis Morrisette. Unfortunately for Meet The Hashers the vocal half of the table (who had the incorrect answer) steamrollered the not-quite-as-vocal half of the table (who had the correct answer) and we fell out of the money. I don't like to lose and perhaps I am only imagining it, but I swear I heard someone yell "loser" at me as I walked away. It's a game people, settle down.

May Not Be Dropping Hot, But It Certainly Drops Heavy
For the first Tuesday in some time there are a few decent releases in the cd world. Given my current state of mind I should highlight Fat Joe's new release "All or Nothing". I wonder if Fat Joe is fasting today.

Of the new releases, the one that catches my eye the most is Better Than Ezra's "Before The Robots". BTE and I go way back, more than ten years or so now. I first saw them in Huntsville, Alabama at a club called Lanny's back in the mid-nineties. That night there were no more than fifteen of us in the club (a Wednesday if memory serves me) and I enjoyed the show so much that I bought their Swell Records release (pre-major label signing with Electra) of "Deluxe" from my used cd store of choice "back in the day". I have followed the bands highs and more-plentiful lows ever since

I'd be remiss if I slighted the other notable releases of today such as Bruce Sprintsteen's "Devils And Dust", New Order's "Waiting For The Siren's Call", Ben Folds' "Songs For Silverman" and The Eels "Blinking Lights And Other Revelations".

What's that you say? I overlooked Collective Soul's "From The Ground Up"? No, I said notable releases. Oh yes I di'id!!! Sorry, I've never been a fan of the band that put Stockbridge, Georgia on the map.

And now for some ideas stolen from LiveJournal...
Current Mood - Fudgie The Whale (I'd link to Carvel's website, but it sucks)
Current Music - Sirius Satellite Radio, Channel 26 playing Bright Eyes -- "Lua"
Website Of The Day - Recipes from the Organic Valley Co-Op. They sound great maybe I'll try some -- tomorrow.

Cheers!
Paulie [eatl/ga]

Time And Temperature

Things are strange, very, very strange.

Smithers, Bring Me More Daylight

Lawmakers crafting energy legislation approved an amendment Wednesday to extend daylight-saving time by two months, having it start on the first Sunday in March and end on the last Sunday in November.

I worry when politicians believe that they have the power to fix all that is wrong with our country. Basically, this means that I worry every day. Hey Geniuses, if we are going to DST from March through November, why not just go to it completely?

While You Are At It, Can You Fix The Calendar Too?
When it is sixty-plus on New Year's Day and thirty-two on April 25th something is wrong. For over a decade I've had a belief that the seasons are shifting as it seems to stay warmer later in the year and colder later in the following your. I'm no fucking Farmer's Almanac, but I know what I see and feel.

If Spring Would Ever Arrive
I could do some spring cleaning, not to mention that I am dying to ride my bike. Dammit, I hate cold weather.

Am I A Clown? Do I Amuse You?
I've got to stop paying for comedy. Friday night's Comedians Of Comedy tour was okay, but I could have seen the same shit on Comedy Central -- well, with the exception of the bizarre film which was shown prior to the comedians -- for free. I dunno, maybe it's just me. At least the High Life was ice cold and dirt cheap.

I Went Undrafted Again!
I graduated from college (for the final time) in 1991; yes, I know that was eight years after I started, thankyouverymuch. For the last fourteen years I have sat by the phone on NFL draft day and waited for it to ring. Is it time for me to give up on my dreams? Oh, I never played football or anything, I just think that I have a lot to offer.

Crib Notes^(tm) For The Pothole Patrol
Apparently, something has gone amiss with this city's ability to fix its roads. Here is a handy cheat sheet

1. Identify crater
2. Fill said crater with enough blacktop to fill crater (allow for settling)
3. Place big ol' metal sheet over crater
4. Allow blacktop to cure
5. Remove big ol' metal sheet
6. Check to make sure crater is filled
7. Return To Step 1

Is this really so goddam hard to remember? Oh I know, this is a new experimental "Speed Crater" program which is destined to replace the "Speed Hump" program currently in use.

And now for some ideas stolen from LiveJournal...
Current Mood - nobody knows the troubles I see
Current Music - trying to improve my outlook with some Polyphonic Spree
Website Of The Day - The Ecology Picture of the Week (stole this from USA Today)

Cheers!
Paulie [eatl/ga]

The Dining Philosophers

My friend Bill scored another 'Big Ups' for his ability to get take-out chow from Panita last night. I'm not sure what I was eating (as in I couldn't go there and order) but it was plentiful and delicious. Not only was dinner served, but the owner who is a friend of Bill's, also threw in the largest flan I have ever seen. Play along with me, kids -- it was flantastic. *groan* I will be skipping breakfast today in order to balance the caloric intake.

Unfortunately for Bill he was amongst three hashers, so while the conversation turned in every direction, it usually involved hashing or hashers. If you are not a hasher, understand that we do enough stupid things to fill an evening's conversation with little difficulty.

The "Survivor" Diet
How is it that Katie can still be chubby after nearly thirty days of Survivor? Has she smuggled chocolate in to her camp? All of the other people who go on that show become rail thin. Damn, I've thought of applying for the weigh-loss benefit alone.

Busting At The Seam
Hah! You thought this was going to be about my relationship with my pants, didn't you? Not so fast my friend, for this time I am referring to my iPod. Oh sure, 20GB seemed so large when I bought it. My music collection now stands at 22GB, and I am forced to make decisions on what I can and cannot load. No fewer than the last five cds I have purchased are not on my iPod because of a lack of space.

"You're Fired" Times Five
Last night I wanted to line up all the remaining contestants on The Apprentice and kick their collective asses. If you are anything like me you are not about to run out and purchase a ginormous four-sided lazy susan file organizer for your desk. Look for the stock of Staples (NASDAQ: SPLS) to plunge as they are added to my Trump Index.

edit @ 10:27am: I forgot to mention how shitty the "rewards" have become on The Apprentice. Breakfast with George and Carolyn? Whoopty-Fucking-Dooo! At least they didn't have to go meet Ishiah Thomas and the pathetic New York Knicks again...

More Celebrity News That I Don't Care About
Apparently Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie have had a falling out. Somehow the sun still manage to rise. Poor little rich girls, how will they manage.

And while I am at it, am I the only one who doesn't want to have sex with Paris? She looks like a demented Barbie doll to me.

Hardy Har Har
Think my humor sucks? You are not alone.

I'll be watching comedic professionals tonight at The EARL as the "Comedians Of Comedy Tour" comes to East Atlanta. Check out Patton Oswalt's website for more info. I'll be the guy with the beer in my hand and sauce from a Greenie Meanie Chicken sandwich on my shirt.

And now for some ideas stolen from LiveJournal...
Current Mood - Thai'erd, yelling "Go Lance" from the comfort of my office
Current Music - Sirius Satellite Radio, Channel 26 playing Oasis -- "Lyla"
Website Of The Day - The Dining Philosophers Problem - for geeks and geek wannabees

Cheers!
Paulie [eatl/ga]

Gut Check

Carbobunga!
Nutritionists and Atkins' diet followers be damned! Here is what I ate yesterday

breakfast: coffee (I like my coffee like I like my women -- black, hot, and bitter)
lunch: rice with soy-sauce & sweet chili sauce
pre-dinner: beer
dinner: popcorn
dessert: pancakes with real maple syrup

Yummy! I am apparently the World's Oldest Teenager (well, once Dick Clark dies I will be).

A Whole New Pyramid Scheme
It seems that the "experts" in the Federal Government that we pay to tell us what to eat have come up with a new Food Pyramid. I'd link to it, but it is so complex I can't even find a reasonable image to link to. Here is the pyramid that I will probably be following for the rest of my days


Ready To Thai One On
It's a little known fact that the Virginia-Highlands has a great Thai restaurant. Surin? Nope. Oh wait, that place on Virginia -- Pad Thai? Nope. It's called Panita Thai Kitchen. Every time my friend Bill has the "dinner crowd" over his place, he brings food in from there. It's awesome!

I recommend PTK, with one extreme caveat. If you plan to eat at the restaurant, make no firm "after dinner plans" as the owner doesn't pay attention to American dinner timelines and will make yours a lovely looooong stay.

Read this CitySearch user review if you don't believe me

The greatest one-man show in Atlanta

One man. The whole restaurant is operated by one man. If you take issue with this, then you needn't venture away from Applebee's where the servers only have 4 tables each. Only when you have accepted the fact that, by dining at Panita, you will be subjecting yourself to the culinary vision and efforts of one single person, will you be ready for the kind of unforgettable meal that Panita can and probably will deliver. If you insist on wearing a watch to dinner, then you should probably eat at the mall. In fact, don't eat at Panita, just send them money. Thanks.

This is the best Thai Food I have ever eaten. Period.

Speaking of Va-Hi Restaurants
Has the American Roadhouse ever been open for dinner? I swear that I used to go there at night, but recently every time I pass it, it has been closed. Am I as crazy as I feel right now?

Another Day, Another Bill
I know that it just seems like I get a bill from someone every day, but it seems like I get a bill in the mail (or email) every, single, day! This is out of hand. I supposed that I could learn to live without some of the ammenities that modern society has conditioned me to "need", but I don't want to... Pity me.

El Heffe
There aren't too many people who I admire; Hugh Heffner would be one. Seriously, the man built the Playboy Empire by distributing pictures of naked women in magazines. Oh yeah, there were some articles in the magazine as well.

Now, through the miracle of technology Playboy has introduced the Killer App for the PlayStation Portable (PSP), which turns the PlayStation Portable into the PlayboyStation Portable. For a "nominal fee" you can download pics onto your PSP and take them with you where ever you go. BRILLIANT!!!!

And now for some ideas stolen from LiveJournal...
Current Mood - f'in hungry -- going to get something to eat
Current Music - Sirius Satellite Radio, Channel 26 playing The Walkman -- "The Rat"
Website Of The Day - The USDA, your tax dollars at work

Cheers!
Paulie [eatl/ga]

Dot That 'i', Cross That 't'

I'm going to finish this blog entry before I pee.

I am usually a very detailed person, so the fact that I published yesterday's blog without a website and a current mood bugged the living shit out of me. Today I swear to do better...

Franco My Dear, I Can't Believe It!
In 1982 Julio Franco played his first Major League Baseball game; I was sixteen, one year from graduating from high school, trying to figure out how to meet high school girls. In 1984 John Franco played his first Major League Baseball game; I was eighteen, one year into my first attempt at college, trying to figure out how to meet college girls. Last night both men played in the Atlanta Braves / Houston Astros game, and I'm still trying to figure out how to meet girls. How is that possible?

btw - Matt Franco, who had a rather unspectacular career from 1995-2003 was nowhere to be found. I wish he would make a comeback because his playing years were my best "girl meeting" years.

Benny And The Jets
Figures that I was about six weeks away from applying to the Pope to regain my virginity when JPII kicked the bucket. Does anyone know if my credits transfer across Popes?

Did anyone pick Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger in their office Pope Pool? When I saw the name Joseph Ratzinger on my bracket I mistook it be tv's Cliff Clavin, John Ratzenberger.



Speaking Of Bergers
As I travelled down Memorial Drive the other day I noticed a restaurant that was selling "hambergers." I wonder if their version of Ronald McDonald is the Burgermeister Meisterburger from "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town"? Or maybe their catch phrase should be "Would you like frys with that?"

I guess eating a hamberger is something you do after you pick your child up at the East Atlanta Day Care "One Step Foward" (read it again if you don't get what I mean).

I really need to start budgeting time into my schedule so I can stop and take pictures of these spelling atrocities.

And now for some ideas stolen from LiveJournal...
Current Mood - b-l-a-h
Current Music - Sirius Satellite Radio, Channel 26 playing The Futureheads -- "Decent Days And Nights"
Website Of The Day - Digital Flotsam. Their current podcast is "Digital Flotsam 14 - The Barley Malt & Hops Edition"

Cheers!
Paulie [eatl/ga]

History Of The World, Part One

Back At The Mac
Perfection two weeks running? Nope, although Meet The Hashers missed by only two questions; one being a multiple choice about Chasing Amy (Ben Affleck's and Matt Damon's participation), and the other being a question in which I said the correct answer bought no one else bought into. First place was ours again, however. Remember kids, it's not how you play the game, it's whether you win or lose.

Patriot's Day + 1
Yesterday was Patriot's Day (which coincided with Albert Einstein's birthday -- how did I miss that?). Not being of Boston decent nor a Boston resident, it's not high on my holiday chart.

That being said, Patriot's Day brings two things to us every year

• an early Boston Red Sox home game
• the running of the Boston Marathon

Watching the ending of the marathon on tv this year had a little extra coolness, since I actually recognized some of the areas through which they ran. Kinda cool. History was also made as Catherine Ndereba became the first woman to win four Boston Marathons. Props!

Man Of Yellow Makes Announcement In Town Known For Green
It was a bit surreal to see a news conference from Augusta in which Lance Armstrong confirmed one of the worst kept secrets in the history of cycling. This year's Tour de France will be the last for Lance. If you are holding stock in the popularity of cycling in America, now is the time to sell.

This announcement may mean that this week's Tour de Georgia will be last race on American soil that Lance rides as a professional! I'll be tuned to the Weather Channel all week in hopes that Friday is a sunny day in the mountains. If so, be forewarned that I'll have contracted a sickness that can only be cured by riding a bike up a mountain to watch America's Greatest Cyclist peform his magic.

The Dead Pope Causes Me To Enter Confessional
With all of the jokes about the conclave to elect a new pope being compared to Fight Club, I've got a confession to make... I've never seen Fight Club. My friend Glenn saw it on Friday, which surprised me to no end since he is the viewer of all movies, I would have assumed that he had seen it. I guess that makes me the last person over the age of twenty-one to see it. Netflix, could you give me another free "trial" membership?

Newly Released
Without a doubt I have to recommend The Flaming Lips release of "Latenight Tales" as today's CD Release Of The Day. Ultra cool, too hip for even my cd collection The Flaming Lips are the "One Hit Wonder Band" with more than one hit. Mike, I know that this is soon to hit your collection, so if you can provide me with a thumb's up/down, I sure would appreciate it.

Get Suggestive
Hey Kids! Inside The Perimeter, a/k/a Paulie is always looking for suggestions, kewl websites, free downloads. If you don't feel comfortable posting a comment about, send me an email itpBlogBox @ gmail . com

And now for some ideas stolen from LiveJournal...
Current Mood -
Current Music - Sirius Satellite Radio, Channel 26 playing The Avalances -- "Since I Left You"
Website Of The Day - It's Tour de Georgia Week, if you missed the link above find out more here.

Cheers!
Paulie [eatl/ga]

Better Late Than Never

Oye! Who schedules an interview for 8am Monday morning? It's bad enough that I have been drunk for the last four nights, now I need to get up early and perform an interview?

I'm too tired to hate today. This will be a short entry to keep my daily readers happy, which of course makes me happy.

This Just In, The Pope Is Still Dead
I am trying to decide which version of the following joke I like better..

In St. Louis a six-year old boy and his father talk
boy: Dad, I heard that when the Pope dies the Cardinals get together to decide who should become the next Pope.
father: That's right son, that's the process. Does that bother you?
boy: Well, it doesn't seem fair; shouldn't the other baseball teams be allowed to help decide?

In Arizona a six-year old boy and his father talk
boy: Dad, I heard that when the Pope dies the Cardinals get together to decide who should become the next Pope.
father: That's right son, that's the process. Does that bother you?
boy: No, they can take who they want; because all the players on our football team fucking suck!

But Apparently Elvis Is Alive
Yesterday I found myself enjoying the highs and lows of Stockbridge, GA. Elvis was the hare for yesterday's Black Sheep hash. He saw fit to take us up (and down) a mountain of rock and silt created by a rock quarry (but fuckin' A the view from up there yesterday was spectacular) and then through a waist-deep swamp. Hashing never ceases to make me wonder about my sanity.

Does Anyone Not Like Pancakes?
I love weekend mornings -- when I have the necessary ingredients for cooking. Saturday's breakfast was a (double) fried egg sandwich. Sunday's breakfast (alone since I skipped my running group) was a nice stack of pancakes.

Oddly, each breakfast was eaten as "necessary intake" for my standard Stone Mountain bike ride. Which, didn't happen on either day.

My photo shoot of the abandoned school that I hashed through a few weeks ago also never happened.

But let's not focus on the negative here. I'm alive, the sun is out, and by the time most of you read this my work day will be half over.

And now for some ideas stolen from LiveJournal...
Current Mood - I need a day off to recover from my weekend
Current Music - Sirius Satellite Radio, Channel 26 playing the Primal Scream "Swastika Eyes"
Website Of The Day - Don't wipe your ass with this napkin collection.

Cheers!
Paulie [eatl/ga]

Taxing Poetically

I've filled out all the forms
And signed on the bottom line
You kept taking too much from me
It's time to give me back what's mine!

Taxes are in the mail -- finally!

That's Apprentical
(skip ahead if you don't want to know about last night's episode)

I got to catch last night's Apprentice episode on dvr (the Dish Network variety). A quick aside, people if you haven't discovered the world of dvr you are really missing out. An hour episode can be watched in 41-43 minutes! Sweet!

Chris, the completely unpolished "real estate millionaire" was "fired" last night. The funny thing was that Trump told him that he needed to get his anger issues under control. The airing of this episode really makes the fact that he was arrested in a Tampa casino last week funnier.

If it already hasn't beed done I think that someone needs to start a Trump Index and track the stock of the sucka companies that pimp their warez on The Apprentice. That Pontiac Solstace that they were pushing last night looked pretty sweet. Oh wait, it's a GM. Nevermind.

It's Not What You Drink, It's Were You Drink It
I had a wonderful dinner with friends last night at the Inman Park Patio (may I suggest the Duck Pizza Pie?). The night was made even better when the bill arrived and I discovered that the Sweetwater 420s that I drank cost a mere $2 each! Wooo Hooo!

MONDAY! MONDAY! MONDAY!
The Atlanta Falcons have not one, but three regular-season Monday night home games scheduled for the 2005 season! Whoa, Ron Mexico is The Man! Not only that, he'll be stuffing the Thanksgiving Turkey in Motown on Thanksgiving Day. I know what I'll be doing after running the Atlanta Half Marathon this year.

ARGH, my DSL connection if fucking S-L-O-W today!!!

How Does He Reach The Pedals?
Lovelable little person Emmanuel Lewis was pulled over for speeding in southwestern Georgia yesterday. The USA Today, America's High School Newspaper has the complete story here.

I'm Ready To Return To The Drunken Clam, Are You?
FAMILY GUY, May 1st!
FAMILY GUY, May 1st!
Can you tell that I am excited? I've already got my dvr set to record. If your an uber geek you may even want to subscribe to the Family Guy RSS feed.

And now for some ideas stolen from LiveJournal...
Current Mood - a bit hungover, ready for weekend...
Current Music - Sirius Satellite Radio, Channel 26 playing the Mooney Suzuki "Alive & Amplified"
Website Of The Day - The Cartoon Fridge, supposedly streaming cartoons/animation to you!

Cheers!
Paulie [eatl/ga]

Putting On My "O" Face

Now there's a lovely image to conjure up. :) Fear not, this post has nothing to do with the "o" word bouncing around in your perverted little mind.

Organization
Last night I was feeling extremely anti-social. I wasn't in the mood to run, or to hang out drinking beer with my friends. *feels head to see if fever has set in* No sir, All I wanted to do was to be alone and clean up the piles of shit (not literal shit mind you because that would be disgusting) which have taunted me for weeks. I love organization. No, I really loooooove being organized.

He Knew About O-Rings
Sit down for this. Yesterday I ordered a book from Amazon, and I really think I am going to read this one.

About fifteen years ago I learned of the physicist Richard Feynman, and have been fascinated by his life ever since. He was a modern-day genius and one of the panel of experts that figured out that the space shuttle Challenger went BOOM because of the O-Rings. Yesterday I found out that there is a new book



which chronicles letters sent between him and his wife while he was working on the Manhattan Project. I'm game.

Cellphones Are Evil
What has happened to people's manners? While I was in Whole Foods the other day waiting in line I witnessed a lovely young couple sitting in a booth eating. The entire time I was there a cellphone was glued to the girl's ear. Rude, just fucking rude.

It reminded me of the blind date I was on a few years ago where the girl had set up an "emergency" that she just had to take care of. Imagine the odds of your good friend's car breaking down and you are the only one who can help? Sweetheart, I wasn't stupid, I knew the "get me out of here" call when I see it. By the way, the feeling was mutual and look on your face when I told you to leave was priceless!!

Some Other Things I Learned Playing Poker

• The guy who made Super Size Me is making a tv show: Apparently Morgan Spurlock has a hand in devloping a tv 'reality' show based on his documentary.
• People really can win in Vegas: One of the guys at the table had just returned from a fruitful poker trip to Vegas.
• The Braves have great starting pitching, but their bullpen couldn't hold a lead if it had a handle on it: And they proved it again yesterday.
• Calling for food delivery is *always* a gamble: Living in East Atlanta I have given up on having food delivered. The other night half of the food order was wrong and it took an hour for the restaurant to rectify it. I guess I don't miss calling for food.
• Trembling hands make for great tells: Poker face I have, poker hands I am still working on
• I was the only one drinking alcohol, and I *still* won money!: People always say that you should not drink when you gamble. Whatever...

And now for some ideas stolen from LiveJournal...
Current Mood - eh, I am in a Code Orange sort of mood
Current Music - Oingo Boingo? Nope. O-Town? C'mon, give me a break! Sirius Satellite Radio, Channel 26 playing Mando Diao "You Can't Steal My Love"
Website Of The Day - Modern Ruins Photographic Essays -- Some photography that might make you say "Oh, my God!", or "Holy Shit!"

Cheerio!
Paulie [eatl/ga]

Hrmph Day

Wednesday is my hardest blogging day. It always seems like I've spent all of the decent stuff, and am too far away from the weekend to start thinking about it.

Poker, I Hardly Know Her
I kicked it old school last night by hanging around the work hood to play some poker. My handy PDA informed me that I haven't played in nearly ten months. Wow, time passes quickly. My decision to play was a good one, as I seemed to get cards all night. I finished on the positive side of the ledger, with enough cash to cover the cost of dinner and beer.

Beer, The New Cigarettes?
Seems like everytime I go to buy beer in a grocery store the price is higher. Prior to heading to the poker game I stopped in at the Whole Foods Yuppiedome on LaVista to grab a six-pack. Remember, this is Paulie you are reading about, so you know that the beer purchased may have seen St Louis or Milwaukee in transit only. The cheapest six-pack of "decent" beer was $6.99, and locally-brewed Sweetwater was $8.49. Hey man, can I bum a beer off you?

Atlanta Traffic Question
You are traveling down a road and you see a police car with its lights on trying to turn right onto the street you are on. Do you?

a) assume the officer has his lights on for an important reason and stop to allow him to merge into traffic

b) continue happily forward, ignoring the situation, assuming that its the "next guy's" responsibility to let the officer in

Apparently no fewer than six people answered "b" this morning! Holy Shit people, get your head out of your asses and follow a few traffic laws! What a bunch of fucking assholes....

Britanny's Pregnant, And I Really Couldn't Give A Shit
I hope that we get to see this picture revisited in nine months.



It seems like the appropriate offspring to me.

And now for some ideas stolen from LiveJournal...
Current Mood - depressed
Current Music - Sirius Satellite Radio, Channel 26 playing The Jesus & Mary Chain -- "Blues From A Gun"
Website Of The Day - Atlanta Citysearch's Guide For Girls' Night Out. As the headline read "Gather up your gal pals: Top spots for a ladies-only night on the town." Do it! I'll be the creepy old man in the corner.

Cheers!
Paulie [eatl/ga]

El Perfecto!

In Bowling It's A 300; At Johnny's Pizza It's A 330
Meet The Hashers took a giant step toward becoming a next-generation Wizards (those of you who have played trivia at Manuel's Tavern on Sunday nights understand what I mean).

Last night we scored a perfect score at The Trivia Factory's version of team trivia. NEMESIS!

We went to Johnny's to crush skulls and eat good pizza. I'd say that we got one out of two -- the skull crushing, the pizza was too overcooked for my NY sensibilities. It was a good thing that there was plenty of cheese to go along with the whining coming from all around us as well. "They're cheating!" "Look how many people they have!" Boo-Fucking-Hoo, people.

Playing at Johnny's is like shooting fish in a barrel, and the payout is less than at other places. We know all of that going in, but the beer and food are cheaper so it's usually a decent alternative. However, I need to start ordering better beer, that PBR killed me. I need to be drunk before I start drinking PBR.

These Are The People In Your Neighborhood
Driving down to Johnny's I got to see Elephantitus Man standing waiving his cain near the corner of Ponce and Briarcliff. One day I hope to see him while riding my bike (in bike shorts) and get a picture of the two of us. I'll gladly post it here, appropriately titled "Polar Opposites". Wish me luck.

Hmm, Maybe That Sembler Thing Is Not As Bad As I Thought
I'm still going to grumble when traffic is shitty, but I noticed yesterday that the Sembler monstrosity, aka the Edgewood Shopping District is going to have a Kroger. Ok, I'm not a huge fan of the chain, but it will be a grocery store near, and more importantly on my way home from work. The Publix in East Lake is ok, but out of the way, and the Kroger past my hood down Moreland has never thrilled me (from now on my trips down there will be to get some Chinese pick-up at China King).

CDs Dropping, Not Too Hot
Garbage? Mariah Carey? American Hi-Fi? No thanks, I'll pass. Instead, I'll suggest you do what I've done the last couple of days. Drop by a used cd store and buy something that reminds you of better days. My purchase yesterday was Oingo Boingo's "Dead Man's Party" -- worth it for "Weird Science", but it has other great tunes as well.

And now for some ideas stolen from LiveJournal...
Current Mood - not sure, it's one of those days and this can't be good!
Current Music - Sirius Satellite Radio, Channel 25 playing Monkees -- "Love To Love"
Website Of The Day - Back Porch Records, an interesting smaller label containing Charlie Sexton, Frank Black, as well as a great band from Ohio called Over The Rhine.

Cheers!
Paulie [eatl/ga]

Clever? Never Clever.

It's Monday. You know the routine. Grab some coffee, get comfy, and read about the ridiculous two days that I call my weekend.

Back In The Saddle Again
On Saturday morning I resumed my assault on fitness (Friday's happy hour at Brewhouse didn't help, however). With the temperature a good 25-30 degrees warmer than the Saturday before I put on my favorite YooHoo bike jersey and hopped my Cycle of Shame for the 38-mile ride from my house to Stone Mountain and back. Two hours and twenty-three minutes, not bad for an old man! My ride was followed by a shower and strong power nap.

Running Like I Am Standing Still
One thing I learned this weekend is that the days of following a "long" ride with a "long" run may be over. An attempt at an eight mile (queue the Eminem) run yesterday was a complete disaster. As I watched the group separate and leave me, I stopped, turned around, and walked back to the start. Pathetic, truly pathetic.

Putting On My Red Neck
The first yardwork of the season occurred this weekend. And, because my upper-torso is usually as white as a milk I decided to sport a tank-top t-shirt while mowing the lawn around the double-wide. Here's a tip for you readers, Irish-Germanic heritage makes for lousy tanning stock.

0 and 162?
Imagine my surprise when I watched my suckass NY Mets comeback to win, eventhough they struck out eighteen times in yesterday's game! Baseball can be a cruel sport, just ask John Smoltz.

Damn, This Is Tougher Than I Thought
I have always sworn that I would never pay for radio. Shit, I bought an iPod to avoid going the satellite radio route. Common sense tells me that I don't need it nevermind the added expense, especially when you factor in that Dish Network carries a bundle of Sirius' music stations. The lure of hearing any baseball game anywhere I getting XM with a MyFi receiver sounds soooo sweet. I love baseball on the radio...

what u doing
That was the text message which popped on my phone last night. The number seemed familiar but still unrecognizable, so I replied "Laundry? Who is this?". The response "who do u want it to be" made me laugh. Certainly it was one of my friends just fucking with me. I found out quickly that I was wrong. Apparently some "girl" named "Elizabeth -- Lizzie to her friends" text messaged the wrong person. Assuming I was probably at least twice her age I ended the "conversation" quickly. Random, but kind of fun.

Out For Blood
Meet The Hashers will be trivia'ing at Johnny's Pizza in Inman. It's not a Team Trivia location and we can usually do well there. Man, I'm already craving pizza.

And now for some ideas stolen from LiveJournal...
Current Mood - hungry
Current Music - Sirius Satellite Radio, Channel 26 playing Eels -- "Novocaine For The Soul"
Website Of The Day - The Trivia Factory's site, go get tonight's first answer

Cheers!
Paulie [eatl/ga]

Why Am I Such A Mistfit?

[Hermey]
Why am I such a misfit?
I am not just a nit wit!
You can fire me
I quit!
Seems I don't fit in.

(um, no I didn't quit my job....)

Can I Get A Wingman Over Here?
Showing up to Hand In Hand was an exercise in futility. Sadly, I knew it would be. The only reason I followed through with going was because I didn't want to be the type of pussy too afraid to try something new.

It reminded me of showing up to a party in which I knew no one, not even the host. The idea was simple enough

1. show up
2. hope to recognize the host
3. attempt to introduce myself
4. hope to fit in with everyone else

I successfully made it to stage one.

My arrival, exactly on time (fuck, I hate myself), was followed by a tour of the bar in hopes of finding the host; I didn't. So I did the one thing I know how to do well, ordered a beer (a $5.75 Tetley's, yikes!). I sat a table, peered at the Braves game, read email on my cellphone (to 'out' myself as a nerd), watched a couple of good looking couples interact on dates, listened to the frat boys behind me, and waited. Thirty minutes later I was through with my beer and got up to leave. I think I passed the group with whom I was supposed to meet, but I was hellbent on leaving , so I did.

[Rudolph]
Why am I such a misfit?
I am not just a nit wit!
Just because my nose glows
Why don't I fit in?

I Remember Doing The Time Warp
I had the strangest dinner (at Publix, hehe) last night. The only thing that would have made it stranger would have been seeing that weird fucking old man that is in the Publix / Six Flags commercial walk into the store. I know that it's trick photography and CGI, but that commercial fucking wigs me out!

While in Publix the clock on my cell phone went back an hour, from 6pm to 5pm. Is this Publix (the one on Buford Hwy near N. Druid Hills) in its own Indiana-like non-Daylight- Savings-Time world? My clock corrected itself while driving toward the Highlands.

On A Wing And A Prayer
The reason for dinner at Publix was because I
a) was hungry
b) like their chicken wings

I must say that at $5.99/lb their wings are not as cheap as I remember them being, but what the fuck, I was in the mood.

These were the biggest wings I have ever seen! I think that given a chance, the chickens that sprouted those wings could have flown back north for the Summer. In shrimp parlance, these wings were 8-10, meaning you got between eight and ten to the pound. Meeeeaaaaty.

Keep Your Flavors Out Of My Water!
I mistakenly bought a "AquaFina with Lemon Flavoring" to drink with my wings o'plenty last night. Look, when I want lemon flavoring I will buy lemonade 'kay? The worst part was that I didn't realize what I had done until I took the first sip. I nearly did a huge spittake all over the Publix, um cafeteria.

The same goes for lemon/lime wedges placed on the rim of my water glass. Keep them off my glass, thank you. 'nuff said.

I Can't Buy Beer, But I Can Buy Porn?
Driving past Southern Nights Videos last night I noticed a sign that mentioned that they are open 24/7. Huh? You mean to tell me that I can't buy a beer on Sunday for "religious reasons", but I can walk in and buy pictures/movies of naked women? Hell, if there are, um, 'movie rooms' in the place they are probably open too. Where's the fucking logic in this?

I'm Now A 'Made' Man
Fuck you, you fucking fucks! Payback time has arrived, as yesterday I became a made man! Oh, wait a minute, all I really did was buy a new nerdzine called Make. It's a magazine full of nerd hacks which will only stir the innards of nerds like me. Now where did I put that soldering iron? Also underway is an assault on the programming language PHP.

The way I look at it is that if I can't get dates (which is almost a constant) then I might as well return to living the life of a nerd. I can't wait until I start having cold pizza and Mountain Dew for breakfast again. W00t!

Don Sutton? I Though He Was 86'ed?
Why did I think that Don Sutton was "relieved of his duties" after last season? I was shocked to see him doing the TBS broadcast last night. Who did Chip Caray replace? I guess my Braves knowledge hasn't come North from Spring Training yet.

Take Me Out To The Ballgame
Other than affixing tape to my glasses, my biggest plan for the weekend is to go watch my winless NY Mets play the (hated) Braves at Turner Field. I'll be the one in the Mets hat. Bring it on! I know the Mets suck! And you, my friend, can go fuck yourself. Fuggettaboudit!

And now for some ideas stolen from LiveJournal...
Current Mood - weeeekend arrives in T minus 8 hours!
Current Music - Sirius Satellite Radio, Channel 26 playing The Afghan Whigs -- "Gentlemen"
Website Of The Day - FUCK, the word for any occassion!

Ch33rs!
Paulie [eatl/ga]

InsideThePerimeter, v1.0.2 beta

Tax Addict
My preliminary pass at my taxes are done. And, although I know I've given the Gubment an interest-free loan over the last 365 days, I'll be getting some of my green back! WoooHoo! Gentlemen, start your eCommerce engines...

You know that I have to have at least one gripe, right? :)

Thanks to TurboTax (and an amazingly good job of recordkeeping) the process was not overly painful. For the first time ever I decided I was going to eFile. But first a little backgrounder...

The US Postal Service is supposedly a private industry. In years past I always griped that I had to spend 30-something cents to mail my taxes in. Why? With millions of tax filers I saw it as a completely unfair business practice. Then arrived Mr. Gore's Wild Ride and the advent of electronic filing. Screw you Postal Service, I'm eFiling!

I clicked on eFile with glee to find out that while eFiling my Federal taxes was gratis, the state of Georgia wants me to pay $15 in order to file electronically. What the fuck is this?!? Goddammit, I pay taxes when I make money, I pay taxes when I spend money, and now another $15 in order to "settle up" with the State Gubment? This shit has gone way too far...

Keep Your Comments Coming
Some of you have had problems with InsideThePerimeter and have told me so. Thanks! No, really, thanks! I admit to being new at this game, eventhough I applied to be Al Gore's 'Right Hand Man' when he created the Internet. Here are some known issues, and hopefully an adequate explanation for today

• Mac users having problems scrolling: I have no access to a Mac, although I am toying with the idea of getting a Mac Mini as a toy once my taxes are settled.
• It sure is hard to read some of the text: HTML coding and Cascading Style Sheets are still relatively new to me, so this is all a work in progress.
• Live Journal readers can't see the right galley: Can't help you there (at least I don't think so). It appears that my RSS feed, which is what LJ reads in, only covers the current entry.
• Why no pictures: Twofold -- One, I can't get myself to carry my camera around; Two, I am just learning the ins-and-outs of Flickr. I tried Picasa and wasn't overly enjoyed (although I now see that they have a new version). Shit, since I am teaching myself PHP I might as well get around to setting up an Apache server and learning how to host my own pics...

Stick with me.
Tell me what you like and don't like.
Send me suggestions!
Spread The Word! I won't be happy until I reach all areas bounded by I285. Those outside can start their own website, OutsideThePerimeter.com may be available.

Bloggers In The Light Of Day; Bloggers In The Dark Of Night
In a rare move, Bloggers of this city might escape their keyboards (although I am sure there will be a fair number of Crackberries, Treo 650s, and other internet-enabled devices abound) and go out in public. Yes, another Atlanta blogger, mingaling (link will be removed upon author's request), has arranged a 'Meeting of the Minds' at Hand in Hand tonight at 7:30pm. When I inquired as to how I would be able to identify the group, her reply was

Oh, I don't think you'll have a problem. Look for the crew talking about RSS feeds!

Brilliant!
I'll be the one with the beer in hand, hopefully a Smithwick's (pronounced Smid'-icks).

Join Me On The Bandwagon
Beck's cd "Guero" is fucking awesome! What makes me laugh is that I have noticed this cd referenced in most of the blogs I have been reading lately. Amazingly when I swung by the Moreland Target the other day, it was sold out. Hmmmm, take that 50cent!

And now for some ideas stolen from LiveJournal...
Current Mood - weeeekend, hurry up!
Current Music - Sirius Satellite Radio, Channel 26 playing Elliot Smith -- "A Distorted Reality Is Now A Neccessity" (yes, again!)
Website Of The Day - Beer Hunter, not the Michael Jackson on trial.

Cheers!
Paulie [eatl/ga]

Call It Pollenitis

Man, you can tell its springtime in Atlanta. Everything is green -- the grass, the trees, the streets, the cars, everything, except my wallet! I've undergone some major brain scrambling lately...

Check It, Check It, Check It Out
Look to the right galley (if you are not reading this via LiveJournal or on a Mac). Check out my fancy new section called "Holla At Me" at the top and the new fortune at the bottom. I think that yesterday's cookie was destined for someone else, because none of the people I have met recently want to play any role in my life, never mind an important one...

Better Than A Crocus
Growing up in New York we used to say that Spring had arrived when you saw the first Crocus sprout. My Spring indicator in Atlanta is poison ivy and pinetree pollen. Currently battling both, I am appeased only by the notion that I will soon be able to ride my bike in non-snowy conditions.

No, Seriously, You Want Me To Pay To Watch It?
Holy Crap Fox has big brass balls. A week or so ago I mentioned that they had put a couple of mid-season cancelled shows on the internet so that the eight of us who were watching them on free tv could see their conclusions. I managed to see the ending of "My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss" and must say that it was brilliant! I hope that the arse who decided it should be cancelled was fired from his/her position. Tsk! Tsk!

Then I went online to see the last episodes of "Playing It Straight".

In case you don't remember, the premise of this show was that an incredibly cute girl was placed on a dude ranch (oh so clever) surrounded by a beny of male-model-quality men so that she could find her perfect mate. What she was told on the first episode was that some of men were gay, and that if she picked one of them as "her Man", he would get a large sum of cash and she would get nothing and like it! She quickly turned into a modern-day Joseph McCarthy trying to out the Gaymunists. Disturbing and entertaining at the same time, and did I mention that she was incredibly cute, I was hooked. But I digress...

I clicked through to Fox to try and figure out where I was last summer when the show was cancelled, only to be told that I could rent each episode for $1.99. What? Seriously? Come On! Smithers, fire the stupid bloke who thought that this was a good idea!

Fox, do you really expect me to pay to watch a show that you wouldn't keep on free tv?!?!

Surfing Sans Al Gore's Internet
Last week I also watched a movie called "Step Into Liquid", which was a surfumentary. The movie was made by Dana Brown, who is the son of Bruce Brown, the man who made "Endless Summer".

The movie could have been titled "Surfin' 'Round The World" as it documented people surfing in different regions of the world. Some, like Texas and Wisconsin, came as a complete surprise to me. I guess surfing is a state of mind, perhaps a demented state of mind, but a state of mind nonetheless.

If you like beautifully shot movies with a decent backing soundtrack and you have ninety minutes to spare I think that "Step Into Liquid" is a worthy rent.

And now for some ideas stolen from LiveJournal...
Current Mood - hooked on the television
Current Music - Sirius Satellite Radio, Channel 26 playing Elliot Smith -- "A Distorted Reality Is Now A Neccessity"
Website Of The Day - Grasshopper, wax your board with Mr. Zog's Sex Wax

Cheers!
Paulie [eatl/ga]

Taxing My Wallet And My Brain

April 15th's A Comin'
I swear this routine of doing my taxes gets more troublesome each year. Just imagine if I did real financial shit like buy/sell stocks, own rental property, or something along those lines! Gone are the days went I can crap on a 1040-EZ and laugh at the gubment. Tonight's Task du Jour is to park my ass in front of the pc, pray that I have collected all documentation in one folder (something that was commonplace when I was truly OCD-Paulie) and fight the good fight. Hell, I think that if I get some cash back it might be time to spring for a pre-mid-life-crisis toy.

What's The Deal With Gmail?
Since Gmail introduced their "Infinity + 1" storage system I have seen my brower spin its wheels like a car trying to go up a muddy hill. Let's go boys (and girls), if you are going to be Numero Uno, you need to get you duckies in a row!

Play Ball!
I am a child of the final "Baseball Generation" (at least in my view). My impressionable youth ended just as major league baseball players started became Million Dollar Assholes. Even with the disgust I have toward today's overpaid .257 hitting middle infielder, I want to love the game again. Hope springs eternal, so far my Mets have only blown one save, and all that sort of shit. Last night I wanted nothing more than to turn on the tellie and listen to a game (baseball is a game which can be heard and/or seen, football is a game which must be seen) whilst I pecked away at Mr. Gore's Wild Internet. Alas, Major League Baseball saw fit to have no night games last night. Sure, I know that the NCAA's Men's Basketball Championship game was on, but I am not a bball fan and baseball is America's Pastime, give us an alternative!

Drop It Like It's Hot
It's not a great day for US cd releases, unless of course you've been Jonesin' for another Lisa Marie Presley cd. I'll avoid her offering, which includes a terrible cover of Don Henley's "Dirty Laundry", and pick The Crystal Method's "Community Service II" as my CD Release Of The Day. While I don't have any of the gay in me, I can appreciate the Method's music for what its worth.

And now for some ideas stolen from LiveJournal...
Current Mood - completely confused
Current Music - Sirius Satellite Radio, Channel 26 playing Bright Eyes -- "Another Traveling Song"
Website Of The Day - My friend Dejie is a singer and now she's got a website.

Cheers!
Paulie [eatl/ga]

Rain And Snow, The Joke's On Me

"What Was I Thinking?!?" That was the common theme of this weekend. If I asked myself that once, I asked it a thousand times.

Suches Life
On Saturday morning I rode up to Suches, Georgia to do the inaugural ALS Mountain Mania Ride. The Weather Channel predicted cloudy and windy conditions with temperatures in mid-forties and windchills in the mid-thirties. BRRRR!!! I packed accordingly. What the Weather Channel never mentioned was snow which would melt making everthing wet as well! FUCKING BRRRR!!!

Now, I am far from the most sane individual you'll meet, and with about fifty or so likeminded half-minds I started out on the planned fifty mile ride.

The first time I lost feeling in my toes I realized that my journey was that of a fool's. That was at mile fifteen. But I was there to ride fifty miles dammit!

When we all pulled into a gas station around mile twenty-eight and the bubbas who were there started laughing at us for being out in the snow/rain I realized that they were smarter than me. One of them saw the income potential in our stupidy and offered to give us a ride back to the start in his cattle trailer for a mere $200. Had I packed any money (why didn't I?) I would have paid him in full. But I was there to ride fifty miles dammit! So, I put some baggies on my feet in hopes to ward off frostbite and returned to the saddle.

At mile twenty-nine my quadriceps started to cramp, something to do with the transition from cold to warm to cold again I think. Food and drink were my "remedy" and I continued onward. The cramps were gone by mile thirty-one.

At mile thirty-two an angel appeared in the form of my friend Kat in a car that had a bike rack. It was at that point that I saw my friend get off his bike and I asked him "Are you quitting?". No sooner did the word "yes" escape his mouth when I jumped off my bike as well. I thought "But I am here to ride fifty miles dammit!" and then realized that this was the one time I should use that sliver of sanity I possess and give up.

Yes Virginia, it can snow in Georgia in April. I have friends who have pictures to prove it.

Ack Ack A Dack Worth
Sunday's sunny weather surely meant that all would be better in the world. An early morning (sleep minus one hour thanks to Daylight Savings Time) six-mile run followed by breakfast and beer was just what the doctor ordered.

Unfortunately my Sunday morning compadres are also hashers, including the half-wit I rode thirty-two miles with the day before. With a minor tug at my manhood they guilted me into going to Ackworth, Georgia to run the hash. Have I mentioned that I am not too bright?

I knew what I was getting into; at least I thought I did. With last week's rain timid creeks now needed to be swam. Did you know that the water temperature in April is still quite cold? I found out not once, but three times! Elaine, do women know about Shrinkage?

More Ticketmaster Grumbling
The ticket I just bought to see Bright Eyes and The Faint at Earthlink Live cost $36.10. The "ticket" cost $25.00, the other $11.10, or 44% of the ticket price, was for "Convenience Charge" ($7.60) and "Order Processing Fee" ($3.50). This is just fucking nuts!

It's a pity that my insurance no longer pays for psychiatric care...

And now for some ideas stolen from LiveJournal...
Current Mood - worn out, dim-witted, in the dumps
Current Music - Sirius Satellite Radio, Channel 26 playing Ween -- "Transdermal Celebration"
Website Of The Day - National Association of Psychiatric Health Systems

Cheers!
Paulie [eatl/ga]

I Guess You Were Right

You said that I needed to swear off women before I would meet one and you appear to be right.

As I wrote about yesterday I didn't have the greatest day on Wednesday. Hell, I even forgot to mention that I couldn't find my Repo Man Soundtrack CD and realized that it was another of the CDs that were in my car when I got carjacked last August. :( I was really in the mood to crank up Suicidal Tendencies' "Institutionalized" to Eleven.

I wound up taking my bike into Atlanta Cycling's Ansley location (the Buckhead location no longer seems to exist). As is my nature I was at the shop at when it opened and was the first customer to enter upon its opening. My bike is supposed to be done by today -- fingers crossed.

When Opportunity Knocks
After dropping the bike off I decided to pick up something to munch on at Publix. As the classic line goes "I was just standing there minding my own business..." when I noticed "her" standing by the deli. Any girl who can look that good and eat deli sandwiches, is okay in my book.

I have always been told that next to church, the grocery store is the best place to meet women. (Now if I could just find a grocery store that is located right next to a church...) Why shouldn't a grocery store be a good meat market? (oooh, I must stop before I pee my pants) We all eat, right? Now I've seen thousands of girls I'd like to date in the grocery store, not once have I been able to get anywhere with them. Why should yesterday be any different? So I moved on.

Up and down the aisles I went, passing her "conveniently", smiling on occassion. Nothing. Hey, give me some credit, I was trying and was smart enough to avoid the feminine (hehe the first time my fingers tried to type "feminine" they typed "famine"! Freudian slip? LOL!!!) products aisle.

Finally giving up on "meeting" "her", mostly because I had obtained all of the items I needed, I headed toward the cashier lanes. At 10am Publix had three lanes "open", but with the caveat that only one line had a cashier (I avoid "self check out" like the plague). But wait a minute, this time this inconvenience worked to my advantage! She too was forced to get into the same line, right behind me. Time to swing for the fences. Deli sandwich, Diet Coke, bag of potato chips, and two tubs of cottage cheese -- that's all I had to work with. Her lunch? That's what I figured, but two tubs of cottage cheese? That was my opening. "Wow, that looks good. You must like your cottage cheese. Can you eat it alone (get it?)" Her reply? "Yes, but I prefer to eat it with others". This was followed by a smile. Holy Shit! Who knew it was that simple to start a conversation with such a hot girl? Anyway, the conversation continued into the parking lot where I finally got the nerve to ask for her phone number -- which to my astonishment I got! We'll have to see what happens. Wish me luck.

Oh, Look At The Calendar
Have you ever heard of April Fool's Day? SUCKER! MUUUUHAHA!!! Actually, most of my story is true up to the point of the checkout line (yes, there was a really hot girl buying what I described; no, I did not stalk her in the grocery store). Ashamed of myself? Nah, I can live with myself; hell, I am the only want who wants to....

According to eGreetings.com April is National Poetry Month. BORING!!!! More amusing however is April 25th which has been given the honor of being "National Don't Step in Dog Poop Day". Shit (pun completely intended), they even have a eCard for you to send! Here's to thanking that SmellNet has never been invented!

And now for some ideas stolen from LiveJournal...
Current Mood - childish
Current Music - Sirius Satellite Radio, Channel 26 playing ...And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead -- "Worlds Apart" (btw - these guys are good and play Variety Playhouse tonight)
Website Of The Day - April Fools! or The Museum Of Hoaxes (a little crappy because their site is littered with ads, but a lot of funny stuff!)

Cheers!
Paulie [eatl/ga]