Why Am I Such A Mistfit?

[Hermey]
Why am I such a misfit?
I am not just a nit wit!
You can fire me
I quit!
Seems I don't fit in.

(um, no I didn't quit my job....)

Can I Get A Wingman Over Here?
Showing up to Hand In Hand was an exercise in futility. Sadly, I knew it would be. The only reason I followed through with going was because I didn't want to be the type of pussy too afraid to try something new.

It reminded me of showing up to a party in which I knew no one, not even the host. The idea was simple enough

1. show up
2. hope to recognize the host
3. attempt to introduce myself
4. hope to fit in with everyone else

I successfully made it to stage one.

My arrival, exactly on time (fuck, I hate myself), was followed by a tour of the bar in hopes of finding the host; I didn't. So I did the one thing I know how to do well, ordered a beer (a $5.75 Tetley's, yikes!). I sat a table, peered at the Braves game, read email on my cellphone (to 'out' myself as a nerd), watched a couple of good looking couples interact on dates, listened to the frat boys behind me, and waited. Thirty minutes later I was through with my beer and got up to leave. I think I passed the group with whom I was supposed to meet, but I was hellbent on leaving , so I did.

[Rudolph]
Why am I such a misfit?
I am not just a nit wit!
Just because my nose glows
Why don't I fit in?

I Remember Doing The Time Warp
I had the strangest dinner (at Publix, hehe) last night. The only thing that would have made it stranger would have been seeing that weird fucking old man that is in the Publix / Six Flags commercial walk into the store. I know that it's trick photography and CGI, but that commercial fucking wigs me out!

While in Publix the clock on my cell phone went back an hour, from 6pm to 5pm. Is this Publix (the one on Buford Hwy near N. Druid Hills) in its own Indiana-like non-Daylight- Savings-Time world? My clock corrected itself while driving toward the Highlands.

On A Wing And A Prayer
The reason for dinner at Publix was because I
a) was hungry
b) like their chicken wings

I must say that at $5.99/lb their wings are not as cheap as I remember them being, but what the fuck, I was in the mood.

These were the biggest wings I have ever seen! I think that given a chance, the chickens that sprouted those wings could have flown back north for the Summer. In shrimp parlance, these wings were 8-10, meaning you got between eight and ten to the pound. Meeeeaaaaty.

Keep Your Flavors Out Of My Water!
I mistakenly bought a "AquaFina with Lemon Flavoring" to drink with my wings o'plenty last night. Look, when I want lemon flavoring I will buy lemonade 'kay? The worst part was that I didn't realize what I had done until I took the first sip. I nearly did a huge spittake all over the Publix, um cafeteria.

The same goes for lemon/lime wedges placed on the rim of my water glass. Keep them off my glass, thank you. 'nuff said.

I Can't Buy Beer, But I Can Buy Porn?
Driving past Southern Nights Videos last night I noticed a sign that mentioned that they are open 24/7. Huh? You mean to tell me that I can't buy a beer on Sunday for "religious reasons", but I can walk in and buy pictures/movies of naked women? Hell, if there are, um, 'movie rooms' in the place they are probably open too. Where's the fucking logic in this?

I'm Now A 'Made' Man
Fuck you, you fucking fucks! Payback time has arrived, as yesterday I became a made man! Oh, wait a minute, all I really did was buy a new nerdzine called Make. It's a magazine full of nerd hacks which will only stir the innards of nerds like me. Now where did I put that soldering iron? Also underway is an assault on the programming language PHP.

The way I look at it is that if I can't get dates (which is almost a constant) then I might as well return to living the life of a nerd. I can't wait until I start having cold pizza and Mountain Dew for breakfast again. W00t!

Don Sutton? I Though He Was 86'ed?
Why did I think that Don Sutton was "relieved of his duties" after last season? I was shocked to see him doing the TBS broadcast last night. Who did Chip Caray replace? I guess my Braves knowledge hasn't come North from Spring Training yet.

Take Me Out To The Ballgame
Other than affixing tape to my glasses, my biggest plan for the weekend is to go watch my winless NY Mets play the (hated) Braves at Turner Field. I'll be the one in the Mets hat. Bring it on! I know the Mets suck! And you, my friend, can go fuck yourself. Fuggettaboudit!

And now for some ideas stolen from LiveJournal...
Current Mood - weeeekend arrives in T minus 8 hours!
Current Music - Sirius Satellite Radio, Channel 26 playing The Afghan Whigs -- "Gentlemen"
Website Of The Day - FUCK, the word for any occassion!

Ch33rs!
Paulie [eatl/ga]